Say Something
by ignitesyourbones
Summary: AU 47 Seconds. He swallows down the thickness in his throat, turning to leave, only to find her standing in the doorway, her shoulders sagging, a hand covering her mouth.
1. Chapter 1

_She knew._

_This whole damn time she knew._

He should really leave. He wants to leave, but he finds himself stuck, staring at her through the glass as every fantasy he had of them being together shatters, tearing at him as the pieces fall.

He stands there stuck until he hears the door on the other side of the glass click shut, his eyes buring at the edges. But he won't let himself cry over her. He won't. He swallows down the thickness in his throat, turning to leave, only to find her standing in the doorway, her shoulders sagging, a hand covering her mouth.

Her eyes are pleading as he pushes past her, hand dropping to her side.

"_Castle." _

The break in her voice almost gets to him, the sharpness of it trying to fight its way in. He won't let it. He needs to get out of here.

He's swinging his coat on as the elevator doors graciously slide open. He strides in, punching the button for the lobby. He doesn't want to, but he steals one last look before the doors shut. She's just standing there next to her desk, staring at him, her mouth working, but no words come out.

* * *

When Castle disappears behind the elevator doors Kate springs into action, grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. She heads straight for the stairs, taking three at a time, her long legs easily handling the gap. She bursts into the lobby, her breathing heavy and swings her head toward the elevator. There's no way she would have beat him, no matter how slow those things are. She must have just missed him though.

It's cold out. She pulls her coat tight as she pushes her way outside, ready to run in which ever direction he may have gone. She doesn't have to look far. She hears someone scream, or maybe she's the one screaming, the sound of metal hitting flesh vibrating through the air. A group of people have gathered, someone is yelling for help. Someone else is calling 911. No one seems to have noticed they're standing in front of the 12th Precinct.

"Castle!" She pushes everyone out of the way, because she _knows_. She just knows it's him.

He's sprawled out on his back, blood pooling underneath his head. His leg is skewed in such a way that it has to be broken.

She pushes her way through the crowd, her detective voice taking over as she waves her badge in her shaky hand. She drops down next to his head, a choked sob escaping her chest. His eyes are open but he's not looking at her. She calls his name repeatedly, hears sirens in the distance.

His head finally flops in her directions, his lips moving, but quiet. She cradles his head in her hands, careful not to move him.

"I love you, Castle. I love you," she whispers as he loses consciousness, she hopes the words slipped through in time.

* * *

He hears a loud steady beep, sounding in time with the pound in his head. He also feels fingers dancing along his brow, combing through his bangs. It feels nice.

He lets out a long sigh, regretting it immediately, a pain shooting through his chest. A hand tightens over his, a voice fighting its way through the fog.

"Castle?"

She sounds scared. _Good._

He fights the heavy weight of his eye lids, squinting through the brightness.

"Hey, Castle. Oh my God, hey."

She cants forward, her hands bracing his neck, lips skipping over his cheeks. She pressing a kiss to the side of his nose, a soft sigh slipping free. She looks relieved.

"Hi," she says through tears, a watery smile cracking her face. "You scared the shit out of me. Out of us. Alexis is on her way. Your mom went to get some coffee."

She's rambling. It's cute.

Castle's throat feels like sandpaper and the anger is still bubbling just below the surface. But she's still cute. He wishes he could just turn it off.

Only…there's a small ray of light, an eye in the storm raging inside him. She told him she loves him. _Right? That happened? _The memory is hazy at best, but it's there and it _feels_ real. Her hair falling over him as she whispered the words all while the darkness pulled at him. The words he thought he'd never hear from her.

She's looking at him expectantly, her elbows by his hip, hands cradling his, her lips against his knuckles. She looks in love. Glowing, actually.

He licks his lips, surprised by the effort it takes. _How fast was that cab going?_

"Did you mean it?" He manages to scrap out.

She looks confused, her face questioning. He thinks about brushing it off, pretending it didn't happen, but he can't. How would he be any better than her? He's not going to stay quiet anymore. Something's got to give.

"You said you love me. Did you mean it?" He gets out through gritted teeth, part pain and part frustration. He can feel his heart speeding up, which can't be good, but he has to know.

"Of course I did, babe." _Babe?_

"Let me go get a nurse. I'm supposed to let them know when you're awake," she murmurs.

Kate leans forward, brushing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He startles against the contact, body tensing, the pain unbrearable.

"I'll be right back," she breathes against his cheek. She lifts up from her chair, her back popping. She must have been sitting there awhile. He follows the line of her torso as she turns towards the door.

He gasps, a grunt of pain following closely. Kate whips back around .

"Rick, what's wrong?"

He catches his breathe best he can.

"Beckett, how are you _pregnant?"_


	2. Chapter 2

He watches as her face crumbles, a hand coming up protectively against her stomach.

"Castle?"

Her voice is so small, nothing more than an exhale, so very _not _Kate Beckett. It's breaking his heart, the burning in his chest palpable. He has the sudden urge to reach out for her, so he does, lifting his arm. The pain in his chest spreads, white hot, shooting through his arm. His vision blacks as his arm flops back onto the bed.

"Rick." She's back at his side, her hand lightly resting on his forearm, her thumb rubbing across the hairs. "Lay down. Relax," she soothes, her voice still a little choked.

"Kate, what's going on?" His eyes are still squeezed shut, breathing labored.

"You were shot, babe."

His eyes snap open, panicked, searching for her. She sits at his hip, her belly so much more pronounced at this angle. He can't tear his eyes from the sight.

She's glowing. Despite the turmoil on her face and the hunch of her shoulders, she is absolutely beautiful.

"Shot?" He finally gets out. "No, no…I was hit by a taxi."

She's shaking her head, gulping down heavy sobs.

"Kate?"

"Mr. Castle, you're awake!" The doctor walks in, interupitng. He has an easy smile, a little too good looking for Castle. He reminds him too much of Dr. Motorcylce Boy, the long dormant jealously swirling in his gut.

Kate takes a deep breath, hastily wiping at the tears pooling on her cheeks.

"Mrs. Castle," he nods in Kate's direction.

_Mrs. Castle?_

She blinks, looking at him under her lashes. She looks shy and nervous. He gulps, searching her eyes. _He gets to marry her?_

"So, it's mine?" He says, the words tumbling out of his mouth, uncensored as usual.

Crap. That was dumb. She looks like she wants to hit him, her face is pink with embarrasement.

"He seems to be a little confused, Dr.," Kate says, not taking her eyes off of him.

Dr. Davis moves around to the other side of his bed to exame him.

"What year is it, Mr. Castle?" The doctor asks, shining a light into his eyes. Castle hisses, the pain blinding.

"Uh, 2012?" He looks at Kate hopeful, but her hand covers her mouth, heartbreak in her eyes. Déjà vu hits hard, that's the same look she gave him in the observation room.

"What's the last thing you remember?" The doctor asks, trying not to look concerned.

"I was at the precinct and had just, uh…heard something upsetting. I was pissed off and hurt, so I ran out and wasn't paying attention. I got hit by a cab crossing the street."

* * *

The doctor looks to Kate, who shakes her head. Castle looks so confused and scared. Hell, she's sacred.

"Castle, baby, you've never been hit by a cab," she reaches out to smooth his bangs back. Castle flinches and she tries not to let it show, how it hurts. She pulls her hang back as if burned. The doctor is aksing Castle questions, but she can't listen to the devastating answers that mean her husband is gone.

* * *

He's trying his best to pay attention to Dr. Davis, but the man is rambling and his head hurts, and Kate is now outside the room, looking at him through the window, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

"Your scans look fine, so this memory loss should be temporary."

He feels like he's in a movie. Seriously, who actually gets amnesia. Well, there was that one guys from that one case a few years back. He was shot too, well shot at. And now it was 2014 and he can't remember marrying Kate or getting her pregnant.

Alexis is around here somewhere too. She's the only thing he's not confused about, except that she's in college and has a too-tall, older-looking boyfriend that she swears he likes. Doubtful.

The doctor finally leaves him to rest. He wishes Kate would come back in here. He has a lot of questions for her. She must be able to see the desperation on his face because she sighs and ducks back into the room.

"How're you feeling?" Kate mumbles, sliding to his side.

"Better. I think I'm on the good stuff," he slurs, the drugs making him heavy. He's sitting up right now, the bullet apparentlty hit ihim in the chest, a little higher and to the left of where Beckett was shot.

They match now.

She's smiling, sort of, but still standing away from him. He reaches out, the drugs making it almost bearable, his fingers tripping over her swollen stomach, his throat tight.

It's not real. It can't be real.

Kate threads her fingers with his pressing his palm more firmly against the bump. He feels a soft pressure against his hand, he gasps, eyes finding hers.

It feels real.

"Castle, why do you think you got hit by a cab?"

"I heard you, behind the glass. I heard you tell the suspect in that bombing case that you remembered being shot. You heard me say that I love you and you lied."

"No, I didn't," she's shaking her head, gripping his hand.

"You didn't hear me?"

"No, I heard you. But I didn't lie about it."

It's not real.


	3. Chapter 3

_It's not real._

* * *

It can't be real.

He couldn't have imagined an entire year of his life. That's not how amnesia works. Right?

He must be dead. That cab killed him.

But she feels so real next to his hip, her fingers gripping his, the soft nudge of life beneath his palm. And if this is real, he _hates_ that he doesn't remember any of it. That he has no memory of kissing her in the morning or taking her to bed at night. His bed. _Their _bed.

Kate lifts a thumb, smudging the wrinkle of his brow, trying to erase the worry there. It seems so natural, the way she touches him.

"It'll all come back," she murmurs, a fragile hope threading her voice. "You still…you love me, right? That's still there?" She sounds so meek, a little choked.

He nods, dumbly, mesmerized by the quiet vulnerability on her face.

"Yeah, I love you," he breathes. "I can't remember it all, so tell me. Tell me how it happened. What happened after you were shot?"

She nods, taking a deep breath.

"Your words were the first thing I remembered when I woke up. I just wanted to see you so badly. You came in a few hours later, a little nervous. You brought me flowers," she mumbles a smile at the edge of her perfect mouth.

He wishes she'd kiss him again. The moment he thinks it, she leans in pressing that smile to the corner of his mouth. He turns his head so he can kiss her properly, her mouth dropping open on a sigh, tongue sneaking out to touch his. It's…dizzying.

"That help jog your memory?" She says with a small laugh and an eyebrow raised.

"No, sadly it did not. We'll try more later. What happened next?"

"Well, you almost tripped over your own feet trying to get to me. I smiled as best I could. I looked terrible and the timing was all wrong, but I tugged on your hand until you got close enough and I kissed you.

"I always knew you'd make the first move," he mumbles, the corner of his mouth lifting.

Kate smacked his arm lightly, shaking her head at him, mouth pursed.

"I like your version better," he slurs, the drugs pulling at him.

"Why's that?" She hums back, her fingers scraping against his scalp.

"It hurts less."

He slips off, eyes falling shut, unable to fight off the painkillers anymore.

* * *

The incessant beeping needs to stop.

He can hear her whispering to him. His mind is fuzzy and she sounds so far away, but it's her, he knows it.

Castle wants to open his eyes and wants to kiss her again. He wants this life to be real.

This perfect life where she never lied to him and she loves him back. But he can't, his eyelids are too heavy, but he can still hear her. At least there's that. He lets her voice wrap him tight like a blanket as she whispers over and over.

"_Castle, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Come back to me, please."_

* * *

He wakes with a start, the pain in his chest like fire.

She's still there. Her words are soothing, her touch cool. He sinks back down into the pillows.

The drugs seemed to have worn off.

"Castle? You need more medicine?"

He nods, trying to catch his breath. Kate moves to stand, but he catches her hand at the last second.

"I'm OK, I'm OK. Just tensed up a bit in my sleep." He's lying. He's not OK. But he doesn't want to fall asleep again. He likes this reality better. "Distract me," he pleads. "Until it passes."

"Rick, just take the painkillers."

"No. I can't. I'll fall asleep and I could wake up there."

"There? What are you talking about?" She looks scared. He's scaring her. But he can't make himself stop. She has a hand against his cheek, her stare unwavering.

"I'll wake up in the place where you don't touch me. Where you keep me at arms length. Where you don't love me back." He grits his teeth against the pain. "I can feel it pulling at me."

"What's pulling at you?" There are tears in her eyes, he wishes he could lift his hand to wipe them away, but he can't. It hurts too much. "Baby, what's pulling at you?"

"Reality."

She stares at him for a second, her mouth hanging open.

"Castle, this is reality. Right here. I'm real."

He shakes his head, bites his tongue against the ache in his chest.

"I wish it was. I wish it was real." He thinks he might be crying now too. His cheeks wet, the pain becoming unbearable. "But that story you told me? That's how I wanted it to happen. When I was standing outside your hospital room that is exactly how I pictured it."

"Because that's how it happened!" Kate cries. She pulls at his hand and presses it back against her stomach, the baby kicking hard against his hand. He squeezes his eyes shut against it, holding on to the feeling. It's not real but he wants it, he already loves it.

The nurse comes crashing through the door, demanding he calm down. But he can't, he can't make it stop. He's being pulled too hard. He feels warmth spreading through his veins, the nurse pushing something into his IV. Shit. It's too late then.

"Kate. Kate." He swings his head back to her, already too heavy. "I love you. I'm sorry, I love you."

He watches he suck in air, gulping down sobs as she runs her hands over his face, hovering close.

"It's OK, you'll be OK."

He shakes his head as he's pulled under.

No he won't.


	4. Chapter 4

He knows.

Before he even opens his eyes, he knows.

But he can hear her pleading and he can't…it's not a switch.

His head pounds as he blinks, the pain right where it should be at the back of his skull, making him groan.

"Castle?"

She's at his side, hand on his forearm, her thumb swiping back and forth. But she's too far away, she should be crowding him, kissing him. But she's not. His eyes drop to her stomach, a hand coming up and pressing against the flat of her abdomen.

_No._

She gasps at the contact, her hand coming up to cover his, a question in her eyes.

The grief chokes him.

He sighs, a stuttered, pathetic thing and pulls his hand back, pressing his fists against the thud of pain, physically holding in the tears burning behind his lids.

It wasn't real.

He hears Kate turn, calling for a doctor.

A woman rushes in, already pulling a stethoscope from her neck.

"Oh, good. You're awake. You scared us," she says, smiling at him. He feels Kate bristle at his side and inch a little closer to him, resting a hand on his shoulder.

Interesting.

He listens while the doctor explains that he's been unconscious for three days.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I got hit by a cab, right?"

Kate nods as he sinks back against the pillow. He wishes the Doctor would hurry up and give him more painkillers so he can get back to _her. _The other Kate.

"Why're you still here?" he mumbles after the Doctor finally leaves.

"Where else would I be?" She asks, chin high, eyes locked on his.

"Is this real?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think I was dreaming, but it felt so real. I wanted it to be real."

She swallows hard. He looks so heartbroken. She feels like she's in some backwards déjà vu. Or maybe he really didn't hear her. Maybe he's going to do what she did to him and lie. She doesn't think he'd be so vindictive. The look on his face in the observation room, that utter and complete devastation, haunts her.

The doctor cautioned them not to be very optimistic. He hit his head _hard_. The crack of his skull against the pavement now echoes in her nightmares, the ones that come when she manages to fall asleep. The nightmare where he dies before ever hearing her. He never…

"Castle."

He blinks up at her, his eyes glassy from the drugs. He's fading fast, the painkillers pulling him under once again. She watches as his eyes slip shut, he seems to be fighting it.

"I love you. I am in love with you. And I'm sorry I've been a coward about it, but you need to know."

He stares at her, a little dumbfounded, mouth hanging open.

She's steeling herself, waiting for the blow. All she gets is a goofy grin before he passes out.

* * *

Kate paces the room while he sleeps. That smile was a good thing. He looked happy. She might have finally fixed him for once, instead of breaking him. She doesn't want to break him anymore.

Alexis and Martha had popped in. Kate told them that he woke up for a few minutes. The two redheads were beyond relieved. Martha had gone back to the loft and Alexis passed out on the tiny couch under the window.

It's going to be OK. He's going to be OK.

* * *

She hears him mumbling and tentatively sits herself down by his hip. She watches his face for any sign of wakefulness but he just looks distressed. She reaches out a shaky hand, running her fingers along his hairline, trying her best to soothe. She never thought that the first time she'd get to touch him like this he'd be unconscious.

The second time he wakes it's Alexis next to his bed, but she watches as he searches the room, a quick scan that ends on her. She's leaning against the far wall, unable to sit another minute. His eyes lock on hers for a brief moment before tripping down to her stomach. She sees a flash of grief in his eyes before he turns to his daughter.

_What's that about?_

Kate watches them for a few minutes, then to goes home to clean up. It's been nearly three days and she could use a hot shower and a change of clothes.

* * *

"I had this dream."

He watches as she startles, the book slipping out of her hands and onto the floor. She reaches down, scoops it up, and drops it on the bedside table.

"Does that dream have anything to do with the way you keep looking at my stomach?" She murmurs.

He nods.

She reaches for his hand, leans her elbows against the bed, just like Dream Kate. He blinks hard, swallowing down the grief. It's stupid how heartbroken he is.

_It wasn't real._

"I woke up in the hospital, and you were there. You looked so scared," he whispered.

"So far this sounds like reality," she says, trying her best to smile, not quite getting there.

"You were touching me and kissing my face, and then you stood up…you were pregnant," he plows on through, not looking at her. "And I knew then it wasn't real, because you couldn't ever…we'd never," he trails off, not sure what he's trying to say. He turns his head away from her, pleading with his stupid, illogical grief to go away. "We were married," he chokes out.

He's blinking, internally cursing the drugs for his loose tongue when she carefully turns his face back to her. Kate's eyes are a little shiny as she leans in, slowly pressing her mouth to his in a brief, sweet, kiss. He sighs against her, his whole body relaxing into the stiff hospital sheets.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe it wasn't a dream. Maybe it just hasn't happened yet."

And though it hurts his head, he can't stop the grin that cracks his face.

"You love me."

She toes off her shoes and slips into the small space between him and the railing, curling a leg over his broken one, head pillowed against his chest.

"Yeah," she sighs, "I do."

It could be real.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed & favorited. It's good to be back.

-Michelle (aka easiertolie)


End file.
